FitSugar

You Asked: I'm Scared Every Day

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My father is a firefighter, and I grew up with the mentality that I needed to tell my dad I loved him every single time he went to work. When my parents divorced things changed, and since I no longer live with him or my mom, I don't get nervous every time he goes to work anymore. However, my brother just graduated from the police academy in Cleveland. He's posted in an absolutely terrible neighborhood, where people get shot on a daily basis, there's not a window without bars to be seen, and 8-year-olds are selling drugs.

I'm terrified. I get these images that he's going to get shot, or worse. He has a really bad temper, and I'm afraid he's going to get himself in trouble. Now, with my brother starting his police work, I'm starting to freak out about my dad again too. Both of their jobs are dangerous, and I think I am actually more scared for them than they are! How can I learn to deal with this fear and cope with their life-threatening jobs?

- Terrified Teresa

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Terrified Teresa,

I certainly applaud the men in your life for taking on such difficult but important duties, but I'm sure I'd be a worried mess if I were in your position too. Being scared is normal, but letting it overwhelm you will only make you a stress case, and certainly won't serve to protect your brother or your father. But of course ending such worries is much easier said than done.

I would recommend reaching out to a support group for family members of firefighters and police officers, which many counties do have. Just articulating your fears to other people might help you shoulder the burden. Also, get into the habit of reminding yourself, as often as you need to, that worrying isn't going to help. Instead, channel your energy into connecting with them as much as possible and letting them know that you're always thinking about them.

There is no easy answer, and I'm sure this is something that will always be in the back of your mind, but there are certain things in this life we have no control over. It is possible to be both realistic and hopeful at the same time; focus on achieving that balance.

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The How-To Lounge: Ending Those Obsessive Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0800

If you’re anything like me then you probably have the tendency to obsess over little things all day long. I keep wondering things like what did that conversation mean? Was I wrong? The problem with these obsessive thoughts is they don’t get you anywhere, instead you just end up turning around in circles, rehashing the same thing over and over again in your head. To learn some tips for banishing these obsessive thoughts, read more

I actually think that a little obsessing can be beneficial when you’re processing something, so I don’t recommend avoiding it all together. The next time the worrying begins, really embrace it. Give yourself thirty minutes and put all of your energy into it. You might be able to work through it faster that way.
Sometimes we get shy when we’re obsessing over something because we don’t want people to know how obsessive we are. However, opening up and leaning on your friends for support is another great way to process your concerns. Another person's point of view could be just the thing you need. Keep in mind that your friends will only have a limited capacity to listen so don't overwhelm them.
Write it down. You can either write in a journal recounting the experience or your feelings, or you can write a letter to the person who you’re thinking of. You don’t have to send it, but it can be a great way to get everything out all at once.
Get distracted. Start planning something, a dinner party, your sister’s birthday, a work happy hour, anything that will keep you busy.

And of course, time will usually do the trick. Be patient with yourself, and forgiving too!

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Do Tell: Worrying About Men

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 03:31:00 -0700

I found an article in this month's Psychologies magazine, from the UK, in which Diane Keaton talks about her career, her infamous liaisons, and her life as an unmarried woman. I was struck by this one quote in particular: "I spent too much time worrying about men I was in love with."

It made me wonder, ladies, just how much time we spend worrying about the men in our lives? If we added up all the minutes and hours, how much time would that be? Do tell, can you relate to what Ms. Keaton said?

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Is Your Anxiety Level In Overtime?

FitSugar — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 16:30:00 -0800

Everyone can relate to feeling anxious at one time or another. Maybe you're nervous to meet your boyfriend's parents, or you're worried about an upcoming doctor's appointment. It's totally normal to feel this way, and it can actually help you cope.

Having an Anxiety Disorder is a lot different. You can feel worried, anxious, or shy for no reason. Your heart starts pounding, your stomach is in knots, you start sweating. You can't see straight or think straight. Anxiety can take over so you can't get normal day to day things done.

There's a few different kinds. Panic Disorder involves unexpected episodes of intense fear and terror that causes physical symptoms like chest tightness, difficulty breathing, dizziness or tummy problems.

People who have Social Anxiety Disorder have a persistent and intense fear of social situations, of being watched or judged, or of being around people in general. Physical symptoms include profuse sweating, trembling, nausea or difficulty talking.

If you can relate to any of these disorders, you should seek professional help if possible. If not, please remember you are not alone and look on the internet or in the phone book for low cost/no cost resources to help you.

Stop That Thought, Part II: Managing Important Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you worry too much, you're not alone. But it's important to consider what kinds of worries are plaguing you. Some worries are totally unproductive, meaning that thinking about them won't change anything, and I have some tips for banishing those from your brain. But what about things you actually need to worry about, like paying the bills, making travel plans, whatever?

For these concerns, you need to make sure you're worrying at the right time. Fretting about giving a presentation when you're stuck on the train or trying to plan a dinner party when you should be working just makes you more stressed out. You should manage those worries and compartmentalize them so they don't dominate your day. For some coping mechanisms, read more.

Make a list. Who doesn't love making a list? If you find that something is occupying your thoughts, take a moment to make a list of things you need to do later, or write a note to yourself listing the things that are on your mind. Now that you've written the worries down, put the list aside along with your thoughts.
Pick a worry time. This may sound a bit silly, but it works for many people. Pick a specific time in your day - maybe 15 minutes when you get home from work - that is reserved for worrying. You aren't allowed to worry any other time, so use those 15 minutes to sort out what's on your mind and come up with a plan of action.
Accomplish something else. If you're worrying about something you have to do later, you may not be able to take care of it right away, so occupy your mind by doing something else that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Respond to some emails, clean your desk, or get some exercise. Just accomplishing one thing will help you feel better about your worries.

Got any other tips for taming worries? Share them below!

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Stop That Thought, Part I: Taming Unproductive Worries

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all worry from time to time, but worrying is often totally unproductive. We have to sweat a lot of details and dilemmas in life, but getting stressed about things when you can't actually do anything about them isn't very helpful.

For instance, worrying about your upcoming dentist appointment won't make your filling hurt any less. Similarly, when you're at work, thinking about all the things you need to do when you get home will just stress you out. If you need a little help taming your worries, why not try a technique called "thought stopping"? The method can help you dismiss unproductive worries all together and save the important ones for another time.

For a few tips on pushing unproductive thoughts out of your mind, read more.

Some worries have a purpose - say, planning a dinner party or remembering to pay your bills. But other worries, like anxiety over a dentist visit, aren't doing you any favors. So why not push them out of your mind entirely? Try these tips and see what works for you.

Count to 10. When an unproductive worry enters your head, count to 10 and tell yourself you'll stop thinking about it when you're done counting. In your mind, shout "stop!" when you hit 10.
Go somewhere else. In your mind, that is. Pick a place that makes you happy - maybe curled up in bed or somewhere on your last vacation - and imagine yourself there every time a nasty thought plagues you.
Replace the unhealthy with something healthy. Instead of dwelling on something that's only going to stress you out, replace your worry with a healthy thought. Remind yourself about something you're happy about or thankful for.

What about the things you really need to worry about? Stay tuned for my tips on saving the important worries for another time. Meanwhile, share your tips below.

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Year-End Poll Results: Worries and Risks

DearSugar — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Worrying is an inevitable part of life; the important thing is not letting those relationship, work, and money worries hamper our enjoyment of life. Worrying too much can prevent us from ever trying new things. So as part of our best of 2007 coverage, I posed two poignant questions: How many risks did you take in 2007, and what was your biggest worry?

Not surprisingly, 40 percent of readers named money as their biggest worry in 2007, while love life was a distant second with 19 percent of the votes. Fortunately, you guys aren't letting those worries get in the way of taking risks: 64 percent of you took anywhere from one to five big risks in 2007, and 10 percent of you said you've taken well more than 15 risks in order to push yourself and grow. Way to go!

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Money on Your Minds! Economy Provided Most Worries of 2009

TresSugar — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:00:10 -0800

When I asked you all to share your biggest worry of 2009, the answers went something like this: "money," "employment," "the job market," "bills," and "$$$$$." It seems like the economy provided a wealth of worries this year.

In addition to finances, some of you lost sleep about a big move, a wedding, or health concerns.

As reader lun08 wrote: "2009, don't let the door hit ya. . . !" Here's to less worries in 2010!

Source: Flcikr User lanuiop

Dr. Love Says: Stop the Worry About Your Health

FitSugar — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 15:00:05 -0800

At a time when many of us are trying to live up to our goals for the new year, Dr. Susan Love, a well respected voice on the topic of women's health, has some simple advice: stop worrying about your health. In her new book, written with psychologist Alice D. Domar, Live a Little: Breaking the Rules Won’t Break Your Health, the message is moderation. And you know I am all about moderation.

The good news is that in Love's opinion many women are living healthier lives than they think. We might not all follow the health rules discussed here at FitSugar on a daily basis - sleep seven to eight hours a night, eat a rainbow of antioxidant-rich foods, exercise 30 minutes regularly - as long as we do all these things moderately well then we're doing all right in Love's opinion. In a recent interview, Dr. Love explained the message of the book like this, "The point of this is to use your commonsense, and if you feel good, then you’re fine. The goal is not to get to heaven and say, ‘I’m perfect.’ It’s to use your body, have some fun, and to live a little."

Sound words to live by, but I am taking Love's advice as a long-term plan. I have my New Year's resolutions to motivate me these days.

What Was Your Biggest Worry of 2009?

TresSugar — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:00:08 -0800

Almost 80 percent of TrèsSugar readers described themselves as worriers when I asked earlier this year. While it's important to keep unnecessary anxiety in check, sometimes we have legitimate things to fret about.

Whether it's job stability, a big move, or the health of a family member - all of us have something weighing on our minds from time to time. What was your biggest worry this year?

Source: Flcikr User yunguyen666