FitSugar

Weigh In: My Mother-in-Law Comments About My Body

FitSugar — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 03:30:18 PDT

This reader has a tough situation with her mother-in-law. She sure could use your thoughtful advice.

I recently visited my husband's family, and am just steaming. I get along really well with his parents, and appreciate how they've welcomed me as a daughter, but I can't deal with my mother-in-law's comments about my body. She's super honest and open, but she has no filter from her brain to her mouth when it comes to her thoughts and opinions. For example, as soon as we arrived, she hugged me, then looked me up and down and said, "You seem a little softer - are you pregnant?" I was stunned, but answered, "No, I just haven't been hitting the gym as much." And she said, "Oh don't worry. You haven't gained too much weight in your butt." This isn't the first time she's noticed that I packed on a few pounds. Last time we visited, she asked if I was eating a lot of salt because my face looked puffy.

I know she's not deliberately trying to hurt my feelings, but I'm becoming really self-conscious about my body whenever I see her. She herself is always talking about her appearance, how fat she is, and how she's on this diet and that diet, so I know body image is on her mind constantly. I just don't want to hear it anymore. I've talked to my husband and he just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well at least she's honest. You know she's not hiding anything from you." Great. He's no help. Any suggestions? I dread going to see her now, which is at least once a month.
-Self-Conscious and Annoyed

If you have a question you need an answer to, post it here. The FitSugar Community is sure to offer you helpful tips and insightful advice.

You Asked: Rude Comments While Running Outside

FitSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 08:00:00 PDT

Dear Fit,
I just started running and am quickly becoming addicted. I'm not exactly thin (which is why I started running), and just about every time I head out for a run, I hear rude comments from people on the street. People scream out of cars, from their porches, and I've even heard little kids yell from the school bus. They say hurtful things such as, "Run, fatty, run," and "Are you running to McDonald's?" It's not just the comments, it's the stares too. I can't afford to join a gym, but this makes me not want to run outside. What should I do?
-Hurt but Determined Debbie

First of all, I think it is great that you have started running. I have found it the most convenient and effective form of exercise for weight loss. You have decided to do something healthy for yourself and should be applauded for your effort. I think it is really a shame that people are so disrespectful to you. I'm sure many of our readers can also relate to impolite or downright offensive comments from others. I have some suggestions, though. To hear them

4 Things Not to Discuss With Co-Workers

SavvySugar — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:07:05 PST

Friendships with your co-workers are inevitable - and a great way to connect to your workplace - but it's important to set a few conversation boundaries. Avoid these four topics to maintain a sense of professionalism and keep your office relationships work-appropriate.

Dollars and cents: It's no secret that salary talk should be avoided, but it's not just paychecks that ought to remain private. Debt, mortgage, and loans - yours or anyone else's - are a personal concern, and if money matters come up, the best thing to do is sidestep the subject and steer the conversation elsewhere.
Office rumors: There will always be cubicle gossip, but that doesn't mean you need to participate. You want to be known for your work, not your rumor radar. Even if you trust a co-worker and your intentions are good, there's still a chance that you'll be misunderstood, overheard, or otherwise caught up in the drama. Use your wit to comment on last night's TV highlights instead.

Keep reading for more topics to avoid with co-workers

4 Dealbreakers That Are Actually Dealbreakers

Lizzie Fuhr — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:00:38 PST

Ever since we saw Liz Lemon dish her advice on 30 Rock, this concept of dealbreakers has been all over the pop culture stratosphere. While it's important to have a set of standards that you hold yourself and your partner to, sometimes the things we think are dealbreakers can be pretty trite. For example, how much money he makes, how tall he is, or his favorite band are not the key ingredients for a solid relationship. It's pretty ironic; we somehow seem to overlook things that are more obvious and important when it comes to love. Interested in where I'm going with this? Here are four dealbreakers that are actually dealbreakers.

He hates on his mom or sisters. If he grew up without respect for women, it's going to be a hard gig to try to turn him around. Being rude to his mom or his sisters constantly or refusing to listen or connect with them when they reach out is an absolute dealbreaker. If he sees no importance at all in being a mench now, it's not going to change later.
He's stuck in his ways. If he's lacking an open heart or open mind and isn't willing to see things from a different perspective, cut him loose. A solid relationship is built on a foundation of compromise. Without an ability to see things from another person's POV, you're going to have a lot of trouble moving through conflict together.
He doesn't have a close network of friends. I never thought this was a dealbreaker, but it has been coming up time and time again in conversations with women in successful, consummate relationships. You can't be his whole life. Guys who smother typically feel a serious lack of friends or community. Therefore, you become the center of his world, and that's a full-time job. He's got to have his own life. If he can't keep a group of friends - I'm sorry to say it - that's a red flag, sister.
You don't feel good when you're around him. Yes, I get it. This one seems pretty obvious, but you'd be surprised how many girls I know stay in relationships with guys they simply don't like. Recognize that you deserve someone who makes you feel happy and light, not someone who continuously brings you down.

Do you have any dealbreakers that are absolutely nonnegotiable? I'm dying to know! Add them in the comments below.

5 Reasons Not to Bash Your Ex on Social Media

Lizzie Fuhr — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 02:00:59 PST

Last weekend, Kat Von D wrote a public note on her Facebook page provocatively titled: "Thank you, Jesse James." Certain aspects of her personal note conveyed a message of healthy healing. With that said, there were more than a few stinging comments that seemed a little out of place for someone coming from a place of "love and light."

After a breakup you might have a genuine desire to move on, but any sort of public bashing, whether it's honest or not, is an open ticket for outsiders to misconstrue your words. Openly criticizing an ex on any form of social media is a bad idea; here are five things to remember before you bash and click.

It's not going to make you feel any better. For a hot second you may feel like you've accomplished something, but at the end of the day, bashing your ex on social media is going to do nothing but stir up hurt feelings from the past. Whether you're a public figure like Kat or not, a public bash is an open invitation for your Facebook friends and Twitter followers to give their opinion on your heartache. At the end of the day, the only person who can really make you feel better is you.
It's always better to take the high road. I get it. Your heart is hurt and you want to bring that pain back to your ex. The truth is the bashing or cruel words are not going to do anything but hurt you more. Fixating on your lost love will only make you feel more hurt. No matter how dirty your ex did you, no matter how much you feel he messed up your world, it's always better to keep your nasty thoughts to yourself and take the high road.
If you genuinely need to make peace with yourself, Facebook is not a place to do it. Facebook and Twitter are wonderful ways to connect with people we care about and share information in a whole new arena. But there's nothing worse than opening your stream and seeing people whining or complaining. It's just not the right forum for this kind of conversation. If you're really upset and not sure where to turn, call a close friend or family member. This is always the better option.

Keep reading for two more reasons to rethink bashing your ex on social media.

Group Therapy: Gossiping Co-Workers

Tres Community — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:05:00 PDT

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm in my late twenties. I recently began employment in a different area of law which I have never been exposed to. I do possess a college degree and have almost five years of experience with my position. However, there are some changes, which were to be expected. I went from a large corporation to a small eight people firm. My workload has been cut down tremendously and I got my own office! However the people at my job are a lot older than I am and tend to gossip about one another when the others aren't around. My trainer, who is in her early 30s, rolls her eyes and tends to use a rude tone.

Keep reading to read the rest of this reader's dilemma and offer your advice!

Thanks, but No Thanks: How to Turn Down Used Items From Friends

Guest Writer — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 00:15:55 PDT

The following is a guest post by Kimberly Palmer, the author of Generation Earn and creator of The Baby Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Ready For Baby, Without Going Broke!, available on Etsy. She is also the personal finance columnist at US News & World Report. Take it away, Kimberly!

As a relatively frugal person, I’m usually happy to accept hand-me-downs from friends. Got a bread-maker you no longer use or shirt that doesn’t fit? I will take it off your hands! But some items just shouldn’t be shared - and that’s where things can get awkward.

Recently, a friend offered me her used Diaper Genie. For anyone who is unaware, this is a receptacle used for dirty diapers. You can imagine how disgusting it can get. But instead of politely declining her offer, I thanked her for it and brought it home. I didn’t want to be rude. The next day, I put her Diaper Genie outside in the trash, where it belonged.

I’ve also been offered five bags of old clothes at once, car seats that no longer meet safety requirements, and a crib that had been recalled after being deemed dangerous. (It was a beautiful, $600 crib, but still, I’m not putting my baby in anything that the federal government has declared unfit for use.)

The problem is that it can be uncomfortable to turn down a friend who has made a kind and generous offer. Just how do you tell someone that you would prefer not to wear her party dress from 2008, even if it carries a designer label? And especially if it has a stain on it?

Read on to find out more about this awkward etiquette situation.

The Vampire Diaries "The Birthday": The Good, the Bad, and the Bloody

Shannon Vestal — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 10:00:13 PDT

The Vampire Diaries is back! The series marked its return with a birthday party, a highly anticipated sex scene, and a sadistic new personality for Stefan. While Elena and Damon are left in Mystic Falls, Stefan is off gallivanting as Klaus's puppet, partying it up and dismembering the occasional Southern belle.

While we didn't get to see much heat between Damon and Elena (aside from a jealousy-inducing bubble bath scene), the premiere episode set up and even gave us a cliffhanger and a couple brief moments of emotion. To talk about it all, just check out the good, the bad, and the bloody after the jump

Grey's Anatomy Rundown, "Unaccompanied Minor"

Becky Kirsch — Fri, 20 May 2011 00:13:32 PDT

Oh what a difference a year can make. It's hard to believe that this week's tame season finale of Grey's Anatomy came from the same writers that gave us the gripping shoot-out that ended in two major deaths (but at least I didn't come close to a panic attack this time around). In lieu of shocking moments and major cliffhangers, the season seven finale is all about love and loneliness. While some are coming closer together (like Lexie and Jackson), other couples and friends are seriously drifting apart.

Both Alex and Meredith have to suffer the consequences of Mere's actions with Derek's trial, while a local plane crash makes Teddy rethink a major decision. Meanwhile, Cristina learns that she's pregnant and the new chief resident is finally chosen. Ready to rehash everything that went down? Just

How to Bargain at Flea Markets

Shelterpop — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 04:00:00 PDT

I'm excited to present a post from one of our favorite sites ShelterPop!

We interviewed two flea market fanatics - a longtime seller and a devoted buyer - to get the scoop on how to get the best price on the octopus-shaped pendant or shabby chic credenza you've got your eye on.

You like wearing other people's used clothing. You're not afraid of bedbugs. You love shopping at flea markets.

Somewhere along the line, someone decided that the word "vintage" was a synonym for "cool," which is why we have legions of women dressing like grandmothers and decorating with needlepoint pillows.But regardless of how many old-timey pieces you want to pick up when you're cruising the flea market circuit, your ultimate goal is to get a good deal. Just because something is old doesn't mean it's worth a million dollars, right? So, how can you be sure that you're going to walk away with the best deal upon leaving your favorite flea market?

Consider the following:

Bargain by . . . Knowing Where You Are
Flea markets are like snowflakes: No two are alike. "Think about the market's overall vibe: Is it aiming to be some D-list joint, shilling sunglasses, socks and cheap clock radios, or does it feature things you'd find on Etsy?" says Ashlea Halpern, a New York City-based freelance editor. "I could spend hours wandering the latter, but if I've stumbled across the former, I eat some funnel cake and get out."

Bargain by . . . Shopping Around
Your mama told you right. When it comes to flea markets, you better shop around. Remember that just because something is "vintage" doesn't necessarily mean it's one-of-a-kind. "Always walk once all the way through the market before making any purchases," Halpern advises. "I was so annoyed at one market last year when I dropped $18 on what I thought was a rad copper octopus pendant, only to discover an even radder copper octopus pendant for $15 two booths over." Unless you've fallen completely and totally in love with an item right on the spot (if so, get a grip), it may be better to assess what's on offer at other booths before making a deal.

Continue reading for more flea market bargaining tips!