i totally agree! "thanks for reinforcing the stereotype that i was not beautiful when i was heavier." or "i really look forward to hearing you say i look 'healthy' if i gain this weight back."

yar!

This seems like an odd complaint. Maybe she really does look better fit. And, I think you'd have a valid complaint if nobody ever told her she looked good before she lost the weight. But, I find it hard to believe these were the first compliments she'd ever received in her life.

She worked hard to look and feel good, don't begrudge her the kudos.

Years ago I was hospitalized with severe anemia. The doctors were in shock that I'd even been able to walk into the hospital. I'd always been quite thin, but after a week on an IV drip, I'd lost quite a bit of weight. I was 5'9", and 118 pounds. My healthy BMI weight is supposed to be 145-155 pounds. All anyone could tell me was how great I looked--with absolute amazement.

aww some people are so insensitive

"but we need to encourage that kind of healthy lifestyle for the right reasons, and not just because it makes us look good."
i agree fit

Oooooh a difficult one. It's good that she is getting positive reinforcement and this will help her continue to eat healthily and do exercise. But I definately see what you mean, getting healthy shouldn't be just about loosing weight to look better, it should be about being healthy living.

to be perfectly honest, a lot of times when I read fitsugar there's a lot of stuff on loosing weight, foods that help you loose weight, exercises to help loose weight, blahblahblah to help loose weight, so to say in here "Why does there have to be so much emphasis on how we look and on being thin" seems a little hypocritical. I had a friend who nearly died from anorexia athletica in high school, so it bothers me alot when thin is equated to being healthy or "fit". which is something i think fitsugar could remember more often too.

Yeah I hear ya. I remember reading this article in a magazine about a year ago about this woman that went to South America and contracted some intestinal parisite and when she got home she couldn't eat and was hospitalized, and went from a size 6 to a zero. And everyone kept telling her that she looked great. When she was practically dying.

right or wrong if someone is working that hard to be healthy and lose weight it is great to hear them because it really makes you want to continue the lifestyle. and i am sure if they are her true friends they thought she was beautiful before too (and hopefully told her) but now she looks healthy AND beautiful.

What really bothers me is when you lose all that weight and friends and family members "jokingly" say, "You're wasting away" and "You need to eat some fried chicken or a sandwich" Considering I'm the most fit and healthy I've ever been in my life, that gets a little annoying. I realize where it comes from and why it's said, but it's still annoying and makes me want to scream, "I probably eat more than you do!!!" LOL... There are some women out there that are going to criticize whether your fat, healthy, skinny, or any variation thereof.

I've been on a 9 month leave of absence from my job to take care of my ailing mother - in the meanwhile I have been working very hard to get into shape in the hope of reducing my chance of cancer and other diseases, and have lost 60 pounds. I went back to work for the first time on Friday and heard all sorts of comments - good and bad. But I agree, hearing "you look great" is a mixed bag. I agree completely the emphasis should be on "wow - you must have worked very hard, do you feel healthier?" etc. Thanks for bringing this issue up!

i think "you look good" can actually encompass healthy. After all, when I lose weight, I feel *good* and not just because I think I look better.

I disagree with you, fitsugar, and agree with your friend on this issue.
1) "You look great" is definitely a compliment
2) Although there are a few people that look better chubby than slim, the majority of men and women look much better slimmed-down. I'm not talking scary skinny, like most models in these magazines you're talking about. I'm talking about healty, non-flabby/giggly, just-the-way-nature-indended-it slim. I was a chubster myself in hight school, then i lost weight and looked GORGEOUS, now I've gained a few pounds and am trying to lose them just so that I would look that good again. Mind you, my face/hair/style didn't change; i only looked better because I LOST WEIGHT.
3) Face it, ladies. We would much rather be told we look BEAUTIFUL, rather than "strong" or "energetic"... That's usually the sort of compliments reserved for 70+ year-old men!

I sort of agree. I lost a lot of weight once, but before I was still in my ideal weight range. And it was like, you mean I didn't look good before? That's the standard our society has set for beauty though. In a few other cultures, I would've been told I was "way too skinny." It sucks but I can't really blame any one individual for it, when the lion's share of the blame belongs to the media.

I love when people tell me I lost weight and I look great. However, I do understand where you are coming from, but I would find it odd if someone said I looked healthy. That's what you tell someone who WAS too skinny and gained some weight. It's all in the context.

Truthfully, Fitsugar, I think you're overreating and reading too much from the innocent compliments. Just take the compliments at face-value. Be happy for your friend.

Personally, I'm from the school of looking good means healthy. So chances are, that was probably meant about your friend. Certainly, if I gave that compliment, that's would be what I meant.

I think "you look good" isn't really bad. It would be different if it was "Oh! You look so beautiful now!" I think most people realize that looking good just means they look healthy, but I understand that when they said you look good NOW makes all the difference. I agree with the overall gripe though. I'm 5'10 and a size 12 and I think I look great, yeah, I could starve myself to an 8 and pull it off, but there's no reason to go to extremes. Be healthy, eat right and active and let your body just settle where it wants to. It gets hard with all the skinniness in the media, but in the real world, women should have some curves!

I think it's unnecessary to compliment somebody just because they lose weight, why weren't they complimenting them before? Oh, because fat=ugly?

Damn our society..

I was quite conscious about this when I saw my friend recently because I could definitely tell she has lost weight, but I didn't want to say "Wow, did you lose weight?? YOU LOOK GREAT!!!" because I didn't want her to think that I thought she was unnattractive before! So instead, I said "Wow, you look fantastic!" and I commented on how great her clothes looked on her as well, so I think it was a better option in that situation.

I think we all look better when we take care of our bodies and our health. Most times when we do this, we also lose weight. I honestly don't see anything wrong with people telling your friend she looks good. She lost her weight in a healthy way. It would be a different story if she was sick and underweight.

I think it depends. I lost a couple pounds about two years ago, and while I didn't mind the casual "you look good" it really pissed me off when people gushed about it. When people said, "OH MY GOD YOU LOST WEIGHT YOU LOOK SO GOOD!" it seemed like they were shocked or thought I was fat before.. which I wasn't. But I guess they meant well!

My favorite comment was, "Did you lose weight? You look really healthy." That actually made me feel good!

I Love you for saying that...I truly do

My grandmother used to say "You're not as fat as you used to be." It is SUCH a backhanded compliment. I mean, yes, it is nice when you get in shape and people notice, but isn't there a way to say it without implying former fat pigness?

You're right. In a way.
But i don't thinks that how its meant when someone say: "You lost weight- you look so good." The moste people are feeling different when there losing weight, or eaten healther, do more sport and so on... and some have a *glow*, when you want to say so, around them. So there do looking good. In a way, better then befor.
That dosn't mean that there haven't looked good befor, but there looking even better now.
I things its all about the adjustment from those who lost the weight. If there happy, then everybody sees that there looking fantastic. If someone is not really happy with his body, then you don't become the comments that you like to hear about it.

i agree this is a bit of an overreaction. yes our society focuses too much on being skinny, but can you blame us, with obesity running rampant? when someone works hard to move away from obesity (even if they were just a little overweight), i think they deserve to hear how great they look. it's just a nod to the fact that people are noticing how hard they worked.

I completely agree with Fit's original post. One of my best friends started to lose weight in high school and everyone was telling her she looked great. She became so addicted to the compliments that it drove her to anorexia, and when she was on the verge of hospitalization, "friends" were still telling her how fantastic she looked. I'm sorry, but a true friend realizes when you need help instead of continuing to encourage your serious problems.
I've lost a bit of weight recently, and I hate the "you look great!" comment because it makes me feel very self-conscious, contemplating how hideous I must have looked previously. I find that the best and most motivating compliments are the ones that pay respect to the fact that you are working hard and sticking to your goals -- I wanted to lose weight to get healthy, not to look better, so I appreciate it the most when someone tells me it's great that I'm improving my lifestyle or an inspiration to them, rather than the fact that I "look great." I'm not superficial, so my appearance to others is not a driving factor.

I do understand what you're saying but I think it goes without saying that most people would also think that she did a great thing for her health. I really think though that most of us would like to hear how great we look. It's nice of others to notice and compliment her.

Just a few weeks ago we were at one of those pageant coronation things and my friends kept bashing one girl because she was "fat and short" which I found ironic because she was actually the prettiest girl there, she was also the only one who kept herself looking classy and not tacky or slutty. I was just disguted by my friends's opinion just because I couldn't help wondering when fat became a synonym for ugly.

I'm not fat I'm sort of in between, I'm a size 6, yet everytime I see my grandmother she mentions my weight she's always saying little backhanded comments like "you lost some weight you look good now" or "you're not as thick as you used to be" .
Just recently I lost about 10 pounds and I ran into a friend and he told me how "great" I look. And then he istant messaged me and kept telling me how I'd lost weight and I looked great. I was completely annoyed until he advised me to not keep losing weight, and to keep healthy. I wish more people would say compliments like that, sure he complimented me based on weightloss but he also pointed out that I had always looked good and he was quick to keep me from thinking I should keep losing weight. Sure he probably said it so I'll mantain the "curves" but at least it was better said than my grandmother's compliments.

i am overweight (157 lbs) and i still belive looking good is being slim.

i know i can get rid of that weight very easily, that what makes me feel this way. i am healthy as a bull. i've been checked and had all the bloodwork done - all the levels are not good, but perfect.

my mom is overweight, and she eats so little. if other people ate as little as her they might starve. but she doesn't need that much food, but the weight stays on. and she accepts that, dresses like a fashionista and everyone can see her confidence and not giving a damn and that's why she is fabuluos.

so i believe you're right only for people like my mom - who do what is needed to lose weight and it doesn't work. and it doesn't for people like me.

i need the bashing, to be motivated. cause i'm too lazy and if people accept me the way i am, i'm just gonna keep on gaining weight.

I think it's really a backhanded compliment when people say that. I used to be really overweight and when I started losing weight and people noticed, I got really paranoid. I was thinking "Geez, I must've been REALLY fat and ugly before". Some people simply said "You look good!" And that's all they need to say.

When I moved in with a new roommate in college, I showed her a picture of me when I was fat. She said "Wow, I would never have guessed you were fat. You're so skinny now you could have an eating disorder!" Um, was that supposed to be a compliment??

i think it all depends on the context. in high school, i had an eating disorder and one of my mom's friends (who is really overweight) saw me and was like OH MY GOODNESS you lost so much weight you look amazing etc etc etc. I was 85 lbs, i did NOT look fabulous. If you look at pictures of me from then, I looked like starvation victim. And that sort of comment is exactly what Fit is upset about. And in retrospect, I was upset too.

I stopped being anorexic, and gained back all the weight - and was still really thin. But so is most of my family. after an accident in 2003 I am on a pain medication which causes one to gain weight. So now I would have to say that I am normal sized.

And I cannot tell you how many compliments I get now - even though I gained weight. And you know what, Im happy about it. Nobody says I looked bad before (post anorexia, but pre medicine induced weight gain) but its always nice to hear that you look good...just as long as its in a positive healthy context.

If I worked my butt off (literally) for a long time and lost a lot of weight, I think I'd be sad if no one said I looked great!
I can see where you are coming from, but just let your friend have the compliment! She definitely worked for it!

of course it's great to hear that you look good, but speaking as someone who has been trapped in an eating disorder for 5 years, the implication that thin=good and fat=bad is something that seriously needs to be addressed and changed in our society. there is so much pressure on women to be thin and this horrible, unhealthy message that the media is presenting has proven to be so detrimental to people's lives (definitely including my own).

I am with Fit. It is so wrong to imply that you look bad when heavier. I am in the process of losing weight (down 50 thus far) and I've had a few variations of the 'you look good' compliment. Although I feel great to hear it, I wonder how horrid I looked before. One man at work mentioned how much prettier I was now that my face had slimed down. WHAT?! My mom just gave me a good one the other day though. She said 'Now that you are losing weight, you look taller'. That was great, since I'm only 5'2"! It's a slippery slope, but I see where Fit is coming from. Why do we have to believe that only skinny women look good. Being that I'm still heavy, I can appreciate a woman who looks good and carries her size well. Not everyone can.

As a child, my sister and I growing up would visit family in hong kong. Where we'd be bombarded with what they think are funny jokes about how Kangaroo meat must be why we're so big. Not that it stopped them from trying to then feed me and wonder why I was refusing food. My sister and I will never forget these jibs.

i had an anorexic friend who was told she looked great as she started losing weight. this was more than enough incentive to keep starving herself. if someone has made it clear they are excercising and eating healthy to lose weight i will compliment them on the results, but i will never make an offhand comment.

If she were anorexic and receiving those compliments then, yes, it's absolutely wrong. BUT if she's following a new health regimen and now at a better weight for her body/ overall health than I think it's the exact compliment she needs to hear.

1. We should NOT berate people for being fat. Howevever,
2. We should congratulate people for taking steps to become healthier which usually involves losing weight.
3. People's faces do look different after losing a significant amount of weight.
4. The compliments are POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT of this woman taking her life in her hands and doing something GOOD FOR HERSELF.

I understand why you got mad.
And I don't think it should be, "Wow you're so skinny!" compliments but the quote of the piece isn't so offensive.

Allytta: Your mother's weight potentially stays on because her body is in starvation mode and she actually needs to eat MORE in order to lose weight? It's just something to consider..

When I was overweight I barely ate. Then I switched to 3 healthy meals a day and BINGO it just fell off~

What's wrong with the 'you look great' comment? I can see it being a problem if it's overdone, but when someone's gone through a lot to look that way, why not tell them they look good? I've been trying to loose weight and be healthier since this summer (and so far, it's been successful), and comments like that really helped.
It's great to be complimented when you've tried really hard on your appearance, whether you've lost, gained, or stayed the same.

I don't think FIT was saying the "You look great" compliment was bad.

The article is title " YOU LOST WEIGHT-You look so good!"

I lost 30 lbs in the past year and people would make 2 different types of compliments to me:

1- "WOW you lost so much weight- You look great!"

OR JUST

2- "You look great!"

The first type of comment bothered me because it implies that i didn't look good before. The second type of comment doesn't imply anything negative so there is no reason to take it that. I started to get really pissed off when even the guy at my taco place said
"Wow you look so skinny" It made me feel really self conscious and i wished people would stop focusing on it.

I think most the time, if someone has lost weight and is still a healthy weight, they are more attractive. I think 99.9% of the population would agree too...

I agree with Fit - even if the person means well, being super thin does NOT necessarily equate beauty. While I would probably look 'better' if I lost 10 pounds, I'm in a really healthy range right now and there's nothing unhealthy about it.

I agree with Fit also - I lost about 15 lbs and people would say how great i look now that i lost weight. i was happy to have the compliments, but it was kind of annoying because i never thought i looked bad in the first place.

A friend of mine got underweight very quickly after delivering twins. I remember she told me she was so annoyed because people around her would say "wow you're so thin, you're so lucky!, how did you do it??" before they even asked her how the twins were doing! The truth was that she was exhausted with twins to breastfeed and take care of and really lost a lot of weight, far too much weight... and still people would give her compliments about how nice she looked!!

It is kind of odd how thin equals compliments. I used to be incredibly thin when I was in my early 20's. I was technically underweight but I always got constant attention and praise for it. I was lucky to be that thin and still be a healthy person but I always used to think what if I was anorexic or had cancer or some other illness that leaves one very thin and these people were constatnly complimenting me. It actually used to make me bery angry - like why are you complimenting me for this.

I come from a family of big mexicans. My sisters and other female cousins have all been trying to fight the 'family creed'. Last week, while the family was all together, the uncles and aunts were commenting on how thin my sister and my cousin are, saying how they could be blown over in the wind and saying that they need to stay at Abuela's to get some meat on their bones. They looked at me and said, have you lost weight? You look good! Yes, I am bigger than my sister and my cousin and always have been. . . but was I truly fat before??

Friends and family have to be careful on how they say things. I know they were joking with my sister and cousin but I felt, I dunno, marked as the fat niece, and it's something I want to shed.

That's one thing that annoys me about my mother. I love her to death, but when I come home and one of the first things she comments about me is, "Have you lost anymore weight? You're starting to look really good," it makes me cringe.

Starting to look good? You mean, I've never looked good before?

It's really all in how you phrase it.

If my mother were to say, "Wow, honey, you look really good," and I were to offer up, "Oh, thanks, I've been spending more time at the gym," then it's my decision to bring weight into the equation. But the "Wow, honey, you look really good; how much weight have you lost?" just brings the focus back to my weight and makes me feel very self-conscious.

In these situations, I think it's better to acknowledge someone's hard work than to do the whole "you've lost weight, you look great" thing because the latter sends a pretty back-handed message. I always bristle at that type of thing. Why not just tell someone that it's nice to see them instead of focusing on looks?

Everyone keeps saying that to me................. it makes me wonder, did I look so bad before?

I completely agree. I lost some weight on the last months, and I can't stand people telling me that I look good. it just makes me feel that if they are saying it now, then they were lying all the time when they told me I was good before. especially because it's the same people who used to tell me I didn't need to lose any weight! it's just annoying. the weight-loss is the result, not the main goal.