Not to sound lame, but my family does the opposite. "Oh, you look so thin!" "What are they feeding you up there? Anything?" "You must be working so hard that you don't find time to eat."

Obviously, I eat. And I know that this is just what family does, but I find it just as rude as commenting on weight gain.

Uggg yea my mom was pretty bad with this one!
She does it to my sister too...and it's not like we're fat! At all! My sister has a very athletic body and geez I am 5'6" and weight in arouns 123lbs!

Before I was born my dad was diagnosed with high blood pressure so my mom made sure to make us really healthy food and pretty much explained why we ate everything and what it was good for. However, my mom was pretty critical if you chose to indulge in mom-unsanctioned snacks; that eventually lead to some secret eating on my part.

Lovely_1 that is weird!! I'm 5'5 and weigh 120lbs and get the "do you even eat?" comments, lol!!

I can totally relate to that part Spanglish. My mom has done some pretty devasting things to me in my life when it comes to weight. Background, my sis has the perfect body. I can remember one time going shopping in LA we went to my favorite boutique and she got me something and surprised me with it. She handed me the bag (a non-clothing item was in it) and then said "Drop 20 lbs", there was girl nearby and she heard it because she got this look on her face and I wanted to die right then and there. I was really pissed at my mom and I didn't talk to her for awhile. I mean I'm not the thinest girl, but I'm not obese. And for the past 2 years I have really focused going to the gym and being healthy in general. I'm sure its why I feel insecure and feel like a fat kid and then she wonders why I cut myself down when someone makes a nice comment, she's kinda made me feel like I don't deserve those compliments. Don't get me wrong I love my mom to death and I know she only wants me to be happy... but when she says some of the things she says... a little piece of me just dies.

I'm so lucky in that none of my immediate family has ever pressured me one way or the other. All my parents did was encourage me to do sports as a child. On the other hand, a few members of my extended family have -- an uncle of mine used to call me fat to my face while growing up (in a different language, but I figured it out) and an aunt of mine who I never see once told me, after several years (and puberty) that I looked chunky. Thanks, guys!

My mom never hesitates to tell me when I've gained weight. She has really unhealthy connections to food and I've emotionally eaten in past due to watching her as a child. I thought it was ok to eat 5 granola bars in one sitting because I'd seen my mom do it. I've really had to overcome emotional eating and I'm sad to say it's because I've always been surrounded by this negativity. I've also been told by family.."you have such a pretty...face." which is infuriating. If I have kids I will never, ever bring negative body ideals or unhealthy food issues into their lives. I still have a body complex and anytime I go home to see family I get nervous that I'll get told I'm fat. Not. Cool.

my dad's pretty hardcore about diet and nutrition,
and my mom had stomach banding to get her weight/diabetes into control, so yeah, i feel pressure.
especially from my dad.
he scoffs every time he sees me in the kitchen.

My mom constantly pushes me to eat more and tells me how thin I look. She's a little bit hypocritical though, because she's super thin and has some strange disordered eating habits.

Tidalwave my ENTIRE family, and even people that i don't effin know!, are the same way towards me. It's like just because I'm thin does not mean that I don't eat. It's really funny too b/c my roommates that live with me literally see me eat non stop throughout the day and now when they go out with me and we hear comments, they shoot back at them before i even react b/c they see that you don't have to starve to be thin:) I eat like crazy, I'm just really active, train religiously and HARD in the gym and eat healthy.

And to others that do see you eat or believe that you do, it will be "oh, you need to eat JUNK food, not healthy stuff, let's get you a greasy burger." So it's not just that they want me to eat in general, oh no, it's moved on to now they want me to just eat foods that are just out and bad for your body!

There is no winning here. But if you are overweight, you'll never get called out for it, but if you are the "average" (whatever that even means) weight/size then people have no problem speaking their minds.

I don't tell my family or friends or others that I don't know that they are ever too thin, too fat, too unhealthy or anything. It's a sensitive subject and I only mention anything if (1) something negative is said about me or (2) people ask me for fitness advice.

It wasn't my mom that pressured me - in fact she doesn't ever want me to lose weight; it was my dad. When I was 12, just starting puberty, he made comments about my big butt, "how much it [stuck] out." The worst part was that I wasn't fat at all, I was very athletic at 5'6" 140 lbs, but he sure as hell made me feel like I was. He has this strange, I'd call it "misogynistic," view that women should be thin and men can be whatever size. He a real product of the 50's and early 60's. 8-|

I never understand how people tolerate that stuff from family members. When I was younger my dad made a few comments and I told him exactly where he could shove it, it shut him right up. Stick up for yourselves because we should not have to put up with this brand of terrible parenting.

absolutely. my parents mean well (i know that NOW) but have been pretty horrible about weight. i was pretty thin in high school (5'7" and about 120-125lbs) and am, well, less so now. they send me newspaper clippings about weight loss and fitness and tell me they're "concerned" and it's just "such a shame", etc, etc. The looks they have given me speak volumes.

But, i've gotten to the point where i can say to them "i love you, but i have a mirror...i don't need people who are supposed to love me unconditionally telling me something i already know, that i need to drop a few lbs."

the funny thing is, that having stood up to them about it and told them that they're just making me feel even sh*ttier seems to have helped. it helped that aspect of our relationship and helped me "get over" whatever was going on with my diet/exercise. i've lost weight (and am still losing it) and feel much, much better.

i was really really skinny in high school, like 5'3 and 95 lbs, and the nurse pulled me aside to ask if i had an eating disorder (which was beyond rude and embarrassing), but then i went to college and drank beer and got boobs, so now my mom always comments on my weight saying i need to exercise more and eat healthy (which i have been doing!), and she complains that i grew out of everything to fast (again.. growing to be an adult and not a kid anymore...) it kind of hurts, but i'd rather be the way i am now, healthy with boobs, then look really really skinny and not be able to buy clothes in the women's department.

haha wow tsp, we must have the same family

My parents were never outright terrible, but there is no worse feeling in the world then the shame you feel when someone turns to you and says: "are you really having ANOTHER piece of bread?" if I reached for a second piece from the bread basket. Its the unspoken words that hurts the most - cause your own brain learns to fill in the gaps.

That being said, I am thankful for having very health-conscious parents who exercise a lot and eat healthy. They look 40 at 65 and have instilled many of their values in me. I have struggled with my relationship with food, but every day I get a little better and accept my limitations a little more. I have finally achieved a great balance in my life, but I am afraid I will never be able to not (somewhat obsessively) focus on food and fitness.

I'll never forget when I was growing up one time my dad wasn't in the best of moods and saw me eating an apple when I was supposed to be doing my chores and he said, "You better stop eating you're going to get fat for softball season!" I was so confused...after all it was an apple! I ran to the bathroom and started crying. My oldest sister came in (who at the time weighed about 90 lbs) and gave me a big hug and said, "Anytime you want to give some of that butt to me I'll take it." (She herself hated being that skinny) All I could hear was my mom yelling at my dad telling him he was going to make me have an eating disorder. He later apologized and never made a negative comment about my weight again, not even when I gained 20lbs in college! (I was probably about 11 when he said this) My dad raised 4 girls and me being the first athlete and the "thickest" I think he didn't know how to handle situations like that. I'm not mad at him for that comment (We are actually the closest out of all my family) but I did begin to worry about my weight at what I believe is a young age. It's weird how one little comment can change the way you look at yourself forever. Now, I workout as much as I can and TRY to eat as healthy as possible but I do it all for myself. Anyone who thinks I'm fat or getting fat will make me quote Trya, "You can all KISS MY FAT ASS!!" LoL!!

My family does the opposite - they will pressure me to eat more whenever they see me. They think I do not eat enough. Well, I am not dieting at all - I eat a lot, and eat 6-7 meals per day. I just can't eat a lot in one setting.

my parents are very harsh about my weight. I have recently gained a few pounds and they
talk about my weight behind my back thinking that I don't know. They try to help but they
really don't help at all, they make it harder.

If anything, I'm the one pressuring my parents to lose weight. My dad has some really bad eating habits, like eating half a bag of chocolates as a midnight snack. My mom tells me to stop losing any more weight.

Yeah, my family is never happy. First they criticized me for being too thin, now they bug me because I'm not. Only my dad leaves me alone. One more reason why it's nice to leave away from home

I am asian and all my cousins that live in hk are really tiny and petite. I am not big (5'1 98lbs) but I definitely have everyone telling me I am fat and need to lose weight.. my parents, brother, cousins, aunts.. At first it made me feel pretty self consious and crappy but I don't really listen to them anymore and just try to eat healthy and do active things because I know I will never look like my cousins in hk.

To be perfectly honest, I do think it's the parents' responsibility to say something. Come on, when you see people on TV who weight 800 pounds the first thing you think is it is the parents' fault, what they taught and fed their children growing up.

Sure, it never feels good to be told you have to drop a few pounds, but sometimes it's necessary and as your parents they need to say something. There is absolutely no nice way of doing it, so the parents have to make a choice between "not upsetting" you or making sure you start taking care of yourself.

When I went to college I put on a lot of weight, and at first my parents didn't say anything, but then they saw how I was devouring bags of cheetos by myself or eating ALL the time - they HAD to say something! And I resented them for it, because instead of hearing "we're worried about you" I turned it into "we don't love you unless you're thin." And it just wasn't true, they saw how unhappy I was and wanted me to feel better about myself. Even though I had a mirror and was perfectly aware that I was overweight I didn't want to be told that even though I needed to - so they stepped up and acted as parents should instead of trying to pretend there wasn't a problem.

My parents were instrumental in my finally losing the weight - they even started going to the gym with me and helped me stay on my diet, calling me out when I tried to cheat (which pissed me off and made me snap back, but really I was angry at myself and just taking it out on them). I will admit there are limits and some parents go too far, but it's such a fine line because there is simply no nice way of saying it (heck people get mad when their doctors ell them to lose weight).

so stop being so harsh to your parents, in many of these case I think they are just trying to help but don't know how. Make an effort and maybe even ask for help, I'm sure they'd be willing.

its comforting and scary to see all the ways our family can "scar" us about our weight. both of my parents were overweight and constantly dieting & I can remember dieting myself as far back as elementary school - though I wasn't overweight until after I graduated from college. We often had family competitions with prizes for who could lose 15 lbs first ... kinda hard when you only weigh 65 (my amounts were less than my parents & older brother) ... but daily weigh ins were recorded on a sheet taped to the fridge. Where my parents were constantly, "you should watch your weight ... you don't want to end up like person X" my brother was ruthless. constantly telling me how fat i was (even though I wasn't!!!!) It still haunts me to this day. I wear a size 4 (down from size 18 at my heaviest) but still feel obese to this day.

yes, My family has said that to me, but they are not rude , I'm glad they care for my health. I'm not skinny nor overweight I think I'm in the middle but I used to be insanely skinny (unhealthy) for a while so know they think I got comfortable and will discontinue to exercise and go the opposite way, I'm just lazy LoL

My family has exerted constant pressure, pretty much from the onset of puberty, for me to lose weight. My mom put me on a variety of diets throughout high school - and surprise, I gained weight every single time. In addition, my dad has always been very critical of my weight. Even now, as an adult, he will gush whenever he meets one of my (slim) friends, and go on and on about how good they look.

Dealing with this has triggered a lot of self-esteem issues and secret eating. Not good.

@pixelhaze - "To be perfectly honest, I do think it's the parents' responsibility to say something. Come on, when you see people on TV who weight 800 pounds the first thing you think is it is the parents' fault, what they taught and fed their children growing up." - there is a large difference between a 'responsibility to say something' and a 'responsibility to do something'. Many of the parents of children who are morbidly obese do not lead by example - they themselves are incredibly unhealthy and are incapable of teaching their children how to eat correctly. What you are left with are parents telling their children "Be thin, dammit!" (to paraphrase), but the children having absolutely no idea how to do so.

There was so much pressure put on me to be thin - my parents started taking my lunch out of my lunchbox and stopped serving me meals to try and 'get me' to be thin. Conversely, my brother who was thin, got fed all of the junk food under the son. And yet noone thinks that the way that they treated him was unhealthy, though many others thought their starving me was reasonable?

Children RELY on their parents to teach them how to be healthy, their fundamental learning of eating and exercise is taught by their parents. And if children do not know how to do it, if the responsibility is not the parents, then whose is it?

I always thought of myself kind of a DJ from Full House, cute but kinda chubby. To this day I always think about the episode whwer she works out really hard for an hour and then falls to the ground. Kinda makes me laugh. But now that she is older she is soooo pretty and looks great sound looks like it worked out well for her.

In my family, its kind of turned around. My dad is obese, and the rest of my immediate family is thin. My mom and I harp on my dad all the time about losing weight, even though we know it only makes it worse. It makes me sad that his health is in danger because of his weight.

Luckily, he is now losing weight. He has lost 30 lbs in the past 6 months or so.

my family gets on my nerves about food. they all want me to be 100lbs like I was growing up.. and before I had my baby.. but they all insist on eating all the f'n time. I get fussed at for not eating. I get fussed at for eating. There's no winning.

Only out concern for my health, especially since we have diabetes in the family. I never experienced anything like what some people mentioned. And I'm kind of confused as to why someone would tell someone what they need to eat is junk like greasy burgers. How is that good for anyone?

My mom and dad never pressured me to lose weight, but when I was heavier, my grandma used to always tell me that I should weigh under 120. She would always tell me that if I worked out more, I'd look SO much better. Whatever. Now that I actually AM thin and "under 120 lbs", she now asks me if I eat enough and if I'm healthy...I guess I can't win.

Spectra - sounds just like my grandmother. I can't go visit her unless I'm skinny enough for her not to say anything. As a child she said I would be as big as my mother one day (which hurt so badly), but as a teenager she wouldn't take credit for attributing to my eating disorders.

..and I mean, of all people shouldn't your grandmother be just as nurturing as your mother when it comes to self-esteem? (considering most people should have good mothers.)

After I quit diving and went to college, I remember my mom just offhandedly commenting how I didn't look as "trim" as I used to. So, I lost a lot of weight the bad way and ended up at my lowest 108lbs at 5'8". I was pretty fixated on being so skinny for a long time and I did not have good fitness or diet habits. The only exercise I did was yoga, but I could no longer do any of the poses that required strength, just flexibility. My diet consisted of apples, chicken noodle soup and gatorade for the entire day. My parents were very worried and did an intervention of sorts, so for the past two years, I have been pretty healthy doing running, swimming and yoga and eating more for meals and am now up to 130 . I don't think I have ever really been pressured by my family in one direction or the other, I just think that I was at a place where I was vulnerable to any comments like that, after having been competitive for 10 years and then suddenly no longer having my body's fitness my life, but still obsessed with its state - just influenced by another extreme point of view.

my family has an interesting dynamic. i've never ever felt pressure to lose weight and actually i used to think that my mom wasn't noticing things cause i was severely under weight yet she never said anything to me to gain weight. i think that she realized that she wasn't going to make any impact on my habits, but she was always supportive. she's always told me that i look great and that' the most important thing. 2 of my brothers are on the heavier side and are actually not active so they should be encouraged to lose weight, but i think that my mom would rather let them do what they are doing than to get on their bad side for bugging them all the time.

My family never talked about food! I wish we had. It was never an issue at all. We ate what mom cooked for dinner (meat, potatoes, and vegetables) and we asked her to buy us whatever groceries we liked for breakfast and lunch, and she got them, no questions asked. We were never told we couldn't snack because it would "spoil our dinner" or told we should get apples for an after school snack instead of oreos. We had fruits and veggies in the house, but we also had junk food, so the choice was there, it was just never talked about.

When I hit puberty I started to eat a lot of junk food and gained about 25 pounds FAST, and my mom never really said anything. I'm 22 now and I struggle with my weight and I wonder why it's so hard when I run everyday and don't eat junk food. I'm not overweight at all, but other people with my habits would be SO thin!! So I did some research and found out that once your body has fat cells in it, they will NEVER go away, they can only shrink. GASP!! No wonder it's SO much more difficult for me to stay thin.

I REALLY wish someone had taught me healthy habits when I was a child. But I educated myself and have them now, so I'm grateful for that.

Family is hong kong - is all about thinness it seems. Perfectly hot actresses would be sponsored by diet companies to lose weight and then every appluads them when they get thin instead of saying, we can count her ribs, gross!
Got the few chubby comment here in australia, but they took the joking about eating kangaroo meat to the next level. It was mean, they still think it's funny, I love going to hong kong to visit but i dont like meal times with them. My sister and I still feel a lot of anger when we think or talk about that. *deep breath*

Too much pressure to be thin culturally.

Hmm my parents, well my father actually, would make comments. He'd stop me from eating certain things. Or if I had some ice cream he'd be like "that'll make you fat".
He'd say that I'm fat and need to lose weight, just not in so many words.
I guess it contributed to my later eating disorder >.

Both my parents were very critical when I gained weight during puberty. It was a horrible time for me already, and they exacerbated it. It was completely counter-effective: they wouldn't let me have ANY sweets, so I would buy them with my allowance and binge in secret; they forced me to go out on bike rides ("don't come back for at least an hour!"), and it made me hate exercise.

After I left home and had the freedom to live my own life, I started eating healthier, learned to enjoy sweets in moderation, and found an exercise method I love (pilates). My parents are now super-proud, but it rings hollow after all the humiliation they put me through in my teens. They think I got healthy because of them, but it was actually in spite of them.

When I was younger, I was a picky eater, so my parents always complained, saying I was too thin. So, as I started going into puberty and gaining a bit of weight (I was like 13, and 80lbs, so I wasn't a fatty), my aunt would tell me every day how much weight I was gaining. And she chose to say it in front of an audience. So, I stopped eating except the few times when my family ate dinner together. Like, on the weekends, I probably only ate a total of 100 calories.

Then, I chose to gain weight my sophomore year in high school because I wanted to. I was chubby, not unhealthy/overweight, and at my height (below 5 feet), I still managed to stay at a size 4-ish (Which...might be kinda chunky, but whatever.). OMG, my parents were so harsh! My mom called me Godzilla, her boyfriend called me an ugly b*tch, and my mom asked, "Can you just stop eating for a few weeks? Just until you lose that weight?" And my dad sort of hinted I had gained weight, but he never really got on my case about it. Just suggested I exercise and cut some of my calories, but he was also pretty blunt and straightforward about my being "unhealthy".

Now, I'm at a lower weight, and my mom loves it (She used to call every week for years to make sure I was losing weight), and my dad just wants me to be healthy.

When I came back from college for the first time on fall break, I'd gained the freshman 15 and hadnt really realized it.

When my mom saw my huge new ass in my now very tight jeans, she couldnt help but crack up about it.

I dont think she intended to be mean or even influence me in any way, but needless to say it hurt my feelings and was a huge awakening for me!

I curbed my college diet and took up running. I think it was better for me to find out that way than for her to sit me down and be like, listen honey, you're getting fat

No, but my dad did tend to needle my brother about his weight..which I think in the end actually helped contribute to it...he has a far unhealthier eating style and is pretty heavy, or was the last time I saw him years ago.

total opposite for me. My family thinks Im wasting money on my Gym Memebership. Ive never been overweight so they believe its a waste. They have no idea of the benefits of staying in shape, especially since diabetes is basically ruling my families lives.

Yes. In a sick way, my mom's snarky comments about my weight and her lamenting about how she used to be 90 pounds at 4'9" when she was 20, caused me to go in the opposite direction. Like "eff you, I'll eat what I want and as much as I want and I don't care what happens." It caused a lot of resentment that ultimately hurt me more than it hurt her because I gained the weight, never said anything, and let the hurt feelings and resentment build and get the best of me... it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Like my being overweight, having a stomach, and big fat thighs is going to severely wound her or something *shakes head*

It's such a weird, twisted thought process... has anyone else had thoughts like that?

My mom was pretty harsh about weight asking "what's wrong" with me because she "was such a skinny minnie" at my age (I was 9, btw). After that it was always more along the lines of bribery, telling me if I lost weight she would buy me all new clothes. Too bad I was never into fashion until I was nearly finished with college, so obviously it was far more insulting than motivating.
It really ruined our relationship, I hated her throughout my childhood, high school and right up until I moved after college. Now the distance and the fact that she's apologized for what she did are really helping us build a better relationship.

my mom always brings up how when she was my age she was 5'6" and 90 lbs and so skinny. (she's not anymore, of course. She needs to lose some weight). I'm 5'3 and 100 lbs or so...my mom has always been in a competition with me I think.

hmm.. I love my mom to death, and I know she loves me, but she tends to add something about my weight onto every compliment. "That dress will be so cute when you lose some weight!" etc. I don't think she even realizes she does it.

My parents tend to go the opposite with me. I had some disordered eating tendancies and at one point I was down to 85 lbs in college. My mom lectured me about it constantly. Until finally, I just couldn't fight with her any longer and started getting healthier. I'm now 92 lbs at 5'2" and I feel ok.

Heck yes, we have a 4-generation history of eating disorders and everybody loves to talk about how fat people are (or they are) and what diet they're on. My mom must have gone on five diets a year while I was growing up.

omfg krazykarot! I can't imagine that.

I just want my daughter to stay active. She's only 2 and 3mths so far and she luvvvs to eat. For now I let it slide since she is growing, but I know next year I want to make sure she eats much healthier. It doesn't help that all of our family is constantly feeding her pizza and crap and letting her sip on Dr Pepper. (OMG that pisses me off.) If I speak up the tend to get upset...I don't think she should be eating broccoli and stuff I eat, but it's like reel it in a little!

When she's old enough to go walking with me I want to instill that in her. I want to be way more active with her than my parents were so that I can set healthier ways for her early on. But I would never bribe her like that! That must have been really awful.